Refuse Revenge
We all instinctively love revenge. How do I know? Well, the instant karma videos that have gone viral on the internet.
We’ve all seen those videos stamped with the words “instant karma.” A man in road rage overtakes another driver, loses control, and crashes moments later. Reckless driving meets immediate consequence. Something in us delights at the sight—we call it “instant justice.” Deep down, we like instant karma. Even as devout Christians who confess to follow the teachings of Jesus, we all feel that tug inside: the longing to see wrongs immediately made right, the craving for swift justice, the impatience with delay. Certain wrongs, in our eyes, must be corrected now. And so the old maxim, “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,” feels strangely satisfying. If you take from me, I’ll take it back. Justice served—simple and clean.
The crowd listening to Jesus in Matthew 5 felt the same pull. They too longed for immediate justice. They too were angered when someone cut in line, skirted the rules, or gained a benefit before it was fairly earned. Just as you bristle when a driver uses the shoulder to bypass standstill traffic, so they burned with indignation at unfairness. That’s why Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount struck so deeply: He confronted this natural impulse and showed that life in His Kingdom operates by a higher principle.
Throughout the Sermon, Jesus is describing the citizens of His Kingdom—not by laying out case laws for every scenario, but by pressing overarching principles that reveal what it means to live under God’s rule. And here, He gives one such principle: the refusal of revenge.
Now at first, that might sound like Jesus is only telling us to restrain ourselves: don’t retaliate, don’t strike back. But Jesus isn’t just addressing external behavior; He is addressing the heart. He is showing us not simply how to stop the hand of retaliation, but how to prevent the very desire to retaliate.
We must remember that Jesus is speaking about the values and characteristics of those who belong to the Kingdom of Heaven—a spiritual, divine Kingdom that cannot be understood by the natural mind. What comes naturally to the people of this world is exactly what Jesus says should not be evidenced in His disciples.
And one of the defining features of our age is that we live in a culture that loves vengeance. It’s all around us. It’s the air we breathe, the water we swim in. It shows up in small talk and political debate, in schools, homes, universities, hospitals, and workplaces. Everywhere you go, the common denominator is revenge: get back at those who wrong you; despise those who don’t value you. Everywhere you turn, you can see it, feel it, and taste it — the spirit of vengeance.
But in order to correct that impulse — that deep desire to retaliate and achieve vengeance — Jesus calls His disciples to one crucial posture: to hold onto this life lightly or we can say, “die to self.”
That’s the heart of this passage. The main message isn’t merely about revenge; it’s about how we view life itself. Jesus calls His followers to hold their lives, their possessions, their rights, even their very selves, with an open hand before the Lord. Only when your life is fully surrendered to Him can you truly refuse revenge.
From there, Jesus unpacks this principle with four vivid illustrations — four sub-principles that flow out of holding life lightly. He calls us to:
- Endure offense without retaliation,
- Not demand our rights,
- Delight in the benefit of others, and
- Give generously.
Together, these paint a portrait of Kingdom citizens who no longer live by the logic of revenge, but by the power of God’s sovereign grace and the desire to die to self!
Before unfolding these instructions, however, Jesus first reminds His disciples what life looked like under the law.
Life Under the Law: External Restraint, Not Heart Change
When you look at verse 38, where Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” Jesus is drawing upon various Old Testament texts—Exodus 21:24, Leviticus 24:20, and Deuteronomy 19:21. All of these passages speak about the law of retribution, what was called the lex talionis. This ancient system was not so much encouraging retaliation as it was seeking to control excesses by ensuring that the punishment fit the crime. It placed the execution of justice within the legal framework so that those who sought to press charges, if you will, were acting under the authority of the law and not as isolated vigilantes seeking to execute justice on their own.
So, if you took someone’s eye out, the extent of what could be done in return was to take your eye out—thus limiting revenge.
Now, the reason the law could only prescribe a limitation of revenge is because the law, though holy and good, could not change the disposition of a person’s heart. Therefore, it was impossible for the law to achieve what Jesus is seeking to accomplish within the citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven—namely, a heart that does not desire revenge.
Laws that promote the flourishing of life are good, but laws in themselves can never bring about the desire or the effect for which they were written.
Illustration:
Take any law: a law that prohibits excessive speeding cannot make you or me delight in driving the speed limit. It can only state the rule and the punishment for breaking it, but it cannot reach the level of desire.
And so Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,’” thereby limiting vengeance. But Jesus says, “I tell you,” that citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven should not even desire vengeance.
Now, if we are honest, we love life under the law—or at least we prefer it. And you might ask, “Why?” The reason we like to live under the law is because we would rather have our vengeance limited than have it completely abolished. In other words, we prefer that our desire for vengeance be restrained, rather than removed.
Let me say that again: we would prefer to live in a kingdom where we can still appeal to our desire for vengeance, even if that vengeance is limited, than to live in a kingdom where we are called to relinquish such desires altogether. When someone wrongs you, you would rather be permitted to want revenge, even if your actions are restricted, than to be called to live in a kingdom where even the desire for revenge must die. Yet that is precisely the Kingdom that Christ calls us into—a Kingdom where vengeance must be relinquished, set aside, put down. We must refuse revenge.
The Kingdom Principle: Die to Self!
And you might ask, How do we refuse revenge? I would argue that the way we refuse revenge is by holding our lives in this world lightly—or, to put it differently, by esteeming our lives in the Kingdom of Heaven highly. Or simply: die to self!
We must also remember that before Jesus contrasts His teaching with what was understood under the law, we have the Beatitudes—and the Beatitudes must inform what we read here. The reason they must inform this passage (Matthew 5:38–42) is because unless we understand that we are blessed when we obey in this way, we will find it utterly impossible.
In other words, unless we believe that there is blessedness in refusing revenge, we will find the command to refuse revenge unbearable.
Remember, the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are poor in spirit. It belongs to those who are meek. The meek are those who refuse vengeance, those who lay down their rights. To such belongs the Kingdom of Heaven. They understand that “blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.”
Therefore, the Beatitudes inform the application of the law that Jesus gives here. They help us see that in order to live rightly as citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven, we must hold our earthly lives lightly and esteem our heavenly lives highly.
And these two postures are diametrically opposed—you cannot have both. You cannot value life in this world and at the same time value life in the Kingdom of Heaven supremely. They cancel each other out.
If you love your life in the Kingdom of Heaven and esteem it highly, then by virtue of that estimation you will hold your earthly life—and all its possessions and privileges—lightly. But the converse is also true: if you hold tightly to the desires, pleasures, and opportunities of this world, you will necessarily hold lightly and in low estimation what is offered to you in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Illustration We all know the song “Cat’s in the Cradle,” which speaks to a father’s strained relationship with his son. The father, consumed by his busyness, repeatedly puts off time with his boy—missing games, talks, and milestones—while the son idolizes him and dreams of growing up just like Dad. But by the end, the tables turn: the son has become a mirror image of his father, too wrapped up in his own world to connect, prompting the father to admit with regret, “He’d grown up just like me—my boy was just like me.” Why? Because the son learned to value distance and independence from his father, just as the father had valued his work over presence with his son. The only way to break this cycle is for the father to genuinely desire and cherish time near his son. Yet both can’t coexist at once: you can’t love your work more than you love your son.
And the same is true about the Kingdom of Heaven, you can’t love it and this pleasures of this life the same, one will be loved more than the other, one will be valued and the other neglected.
A Word on Wisdom
Now, before we proceed, I think a word of wisdom is in order. Before moving into the life of the Kingdom of Heaven—this life of internal obedience characterized by a desire to refuse revenge—we must understand that Jesus is speaking here about interpersonal relationships.
What Jesus says in this passage does not mean that there is no place for appealing to the justice system for redress. This is not pacifism. It is not a call to let wickedness go unchecked in society. There is a proper place for defending rights and pursuing justice in particular circumstances.
If Jesus were applying this teaching universally—to every context and every kind of relationship—then any armed conflict would be wrong, and police officers could not rightly do their jobs because they would be “resisting evil” or “evil persons.”
We must not confuse or conflate the two. God has given a proper command and authority to government—at the local, state, and federal levels—to oppose and restrain wickedness. And the people of a democratic republic do have certain opportunities afforded by their own law to redress grievances.
What Jesus is addressing here is of a retaliation of a different kind. He is primarily speaking about relationships on the interpersonal level. In other words, His concern is not primarily about relationships between citizen and state, or citizen and municipality, or citizen and federal government, although Jesus does reference a Roman practice and does implicitly reference a citizen and state relationship. However, he is primarily speaking about citizen to citizen, friend to friend, family member to family member.
In those kinds of relationships—the relational, personal, everyday interactions—the disciples of Jesus are called to refuse revenge.
How?
By refusing to hold this life in high regard and, instead, esteeming the Kingdom of Heaven—life in the Kingdom—very highly. Another way to say this is dying to self.
That is the message Jesus speaks to His disciples again and again: we must die to self. The question then becomes, How do we die to self?
This brings us to verse 39, where Jesus says, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.” There is no conceivable world in which we can truly “not resist an evil person” unless we have died to ourselves.
Think about it. Consider even the smallest infraction—someone cuts you off at a stop sign, or goes before you when it’s clearly your turn. Our lives are full of such moments where people do wrong against us. We see wrong all around us on a personal level. And it only takes a dead person—or rather, a person dying to self—to not resist an evil person at all.
So we can say that verse 39 contains the governing principle for this entire section: “Do not resist an evil person.”
What I am arguing this morning is that this principle can also be summed up by the command: Die to self.
Or, as I’ve been saying throughout, we must hold our lives in the Kingdom of Heaven so highly that we hold our lives in this world lightly.
And in this, Jesus is helping us.
I believe Jesus gives us four concrete ways in which we die to self, and in doing so, He describes what life in the Kingdom of Heaven looks like—a life characterized by internal obedience and inner desire to refuse revenge.
Life in the Kingdom: Dying to Self in Action
- Endure Offense Without Retaliation
Look at what Jesus says in verse 39: “Whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other to him also.” This is the first admonition that Jesus gives in this section.
Jesus teaches that His disciples should be ready to endure offense. He says that if someone slaps you on the right cheek, you should be in the disposition to turn the other cheek and offer it as well.
What Jesus is getting at here is that the disciples of the Kingdom should not be easily offended by an offense. A true mark of a Kingdom citizen is the ability to withstand an insult without retaliation.
The disciple of the Kingdom would prefer to be dishonored rather than seek vengeance. Think about that—the citizen of the Kingdom would rather be dishonored than to avenge himself.
That is hard.
Illustration
I remember an occasion when I felt that I had been dishonored. When I encountered that dishonor, I did not turn the other cheek—I sought vengeance.
But later, as I was reading God’s Word, the Lord showed me that my ways were wrong. I realized that my response was not the action of a Kingdom citizen. Even though I felt dishonored, I still had to go back and ask forgiveness from that person—and even from a broader group of people—because of my reaction.
Through that experience, God showed me that one of the defining characteristics of a Kingdom citizen is a willingness to endure offense without retaliation.
Now once again, we need to clarify that this should be our disposition—our default attitude. There is certainly a rightful place to clarify grievances, even interpersonal ones. Jesus is not saying, “Just turn the other cheek always,” nor is He calling us to live as doormats for others.
What Jesus is saying is that our primary disposition must be to refuse retaliation. Let that be your instinct.
Any effort you make to correct the behavior of your brother or sister should never be perceived as revenge, but as an act of love and compassion—something flowing from a heart of mercy rather than from hatred.
- Don’t Demand Your Rights
In verse 40, Jesus says, “If someone wants to sue you and take your shirt, give your coat as well.”
This is a legal situation involving a lawsuit. In this case, the inner garment (the tunic) is being demanded. To understand what Jesus is saying here, we must remember that the coat—the outer garment—was even more important. It wasn’t merely used as a cloak but also served as bedding when one slept in the fields.
According to the Old Testament law, even the poor had the right to keep their outer garment. It was protected property that could not be taken away (Exodus 22:26–27). Yet Jesus says, “If they take your shirt, give them your coat also.”
In other words, the citizen of the Kingdom is being called to lay down his rights—to relinquish his prized possession—and to be willing, if necessary, to appear before the court with neither inner nor outer garment.
The Apostle Paul references this same principle in his letter to the Corinthians, asking, “Why do you bring lawsuits against one another? Why not rather be wronged?” (1 Corinthians 6:7).
Jesus teaches that we die to self by refusing to demand our rights. We are willing to endure injustice without seeking revenge.
So, to die to self—to value highly the Kingdom of Heaven and hold lightly the life of this world—we must first endure offense without retaliation, and second, refuse to demand our rights.
- Delight in the Benefit of Others
In verse 41, Jesus says, “Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two.”
This refers to a situation involving a Roman soldier. Under Roman law, soldiers had the right to conscript civilians to carry their burdens for a mile. This was deeply resented by the Jewish people.
And yet Jesus says that if a Roman soldier asks you to carry something for him, don’t just go one mile—go two.
This is remarkable because it touches on the relationship between citizen and state. Jesus knew that one of His disciples, Simon the Zealot, came from a group dedicated to the violent overthrow of Roman power. And here, Jesus is teaching that the Christian does not operate by worldly logic or nationalist passion, but by Kingdom-mindedness—a mindset that delights in the good of others, even when those “others” are oppressors.
Just think about it. The disciple could be carrying the very instruments that the Roman soldier would later use to enforce oppression—and yet Jesus says, “Go with him another mile.”
Around that same time, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus advised: “If a soldier commandeers your donkey, let it go. Do not resist or grumble. If you do, you’ll be beaten and lose your donkey anyway.”
Jesus calls His disciples to something far deeper. Not mere stoic endurance, but joyful service born from a heart that has died to self. Because only someone who has died to self can delight in the benefit of another—especially when that other does not deserve it.
- Give Generously
Finally, Jesus calls His disciples to give generously.
Look at verse 42: “Give to the one who asks something from you, and don’t reject anyone who wants to borrow something from you.”
In this illustration, Jesus summarizes what he has been saying all along, and to do this he speaks about giving. In the first part of the verse, Jesus speaks to general giving — “Give to the one who asks you” — while the second part emphasizes lending — “Don’t reject anyone who wants to borrow from you.”
What Jesus highlights here is that generosity should overflow in the life of every believer. Kingdom citizens are those who reflect the generosity of their King. Christians should be known as people who willingly and joyfully help those in need, never shrinking back from acts of compassion.
But if we think carefully about what Jesus is saying here, it may seem that this last illustration is oddly categorized. After all, if this section is about revenge, how does someone asking you for money fit into that? When is that an offense? It’s only an offense if you are self-absorbed — if you have not died to self.
Think about it this way: you see someone begging, holding a sign. You notice they can walk, that they had the ability to write that sign, that they spend hours at the same spot asking for money. And the thought crosses your mind: “If they can write, if they can stand, why can’t they just get a job?” You take offense. You judge their need. But at the core of that reaction is a failure to remember that we ourselves have received an abundance of grace.
With this illustration, Jesus is saying that the root of revenge is self-love!
And here is the main point: Revenge is rooted in self-love. Therefore: Refuse revenge by dying to self!
The Gospel: Christ Empowered Refusal
At this point, you might be thinking, “Wow, this is just nuts. This is impossible!” And that’s precisely the point — it is impossible apart from the gospel.
Look at the world around us: everyone is outraged. Revenge is the name of the game — from the halls of Congress to the halls of our homes. Everywhere you turn, people are ready to be offended. Our “offense gauge” is constantly hitting red. Lawsuits abound. Patience and kindness are scarce. Even our customer service culture reflects it — everyone is on edge, demanding their rights.
And if we’re honest, when we examine our own spending, our time, and our priorities, we find that we often invest far more in ourselves than in others.
This shows our desperate need for the gospel. Our society — and our own hearts — are in need of the gospel because only the gospel provides the solution to the violence, chaos, and selfishness that surround us. Only the gospel can transform the human heart to refuse revenge, to die to self, and to give generously out of the overflow of grace received in Christ.
Jesus: The One Who Refused Retaliation
The reason Kingdom citizens are called to die to self and refuse retaliation is because our Savior—our God, the One who rescued us from the domain of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of light—lived this very way and empowers us to live like him.
Jesus is the One who offered His other cheek when He was struck and accused falsely.
It was Jesus whose garments were stripped away, over which they cast lots.
It was Jesus who carried His own cross to the place of His execution—for the salvation of our souls.
It was Jesus who became poor so that we might become rich.
Refusing retaliation lies at the very heart of the gospel.
Just imagine of God retaliated against your constant rebellion and sin. You would not exist! But he doesn’t.
Paul writes, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Rarely will anyone die for a righteous person—yet God, in His mercy, gave us life through Christ even when we deserved His wrath.
Conclusion
This morning, the citizens of the Kingdom of heaven are differentiated from the citizens of the kingdom of man. To which Kingdom do you belong? Do you belong to the kingdom that is always in outrage, or the kingdom that finds satisfaction in God. Do you belong to a kingdom that is governed by the normal, everyday outburst of chaos and anger, or do you belong to the kingdom of peace. This morning, God is calling us to refuse revenge in the power of the gospel as citizens of his kingdom!