A Christian Wife’s Manifesto
Notes – The Christian Wife’s Manifesto
Title: A Christian Wife’s Manifesto
Scripture: Colossians 3:12-21
Pre-Sermon Introduction
This morning we begin a short, three-sermon series on the Christian home. The reason for this series is simple: healthy churches depend on healthy homes. If the home is disordered, the church will be weakened, and if the church is weakened, its witness to the world will be compromised. If Immanuel is to remain faithful and fruitful for generations to come, we must continually return to God’s design for the home.
A Christian home is not merely a home occupied by Christians. It is a home shaped by the values of the kingdom of heaven. It is governed by Scripture, ordered by God’s wisdom, and marked by an understanding of the role and responsibility of each member of the household.
We live in a cultural moment that does not affirm the Christian vision of the home. In many ways, the very idea of the home as a stable, God-ordained institution is under pressure. But the most important question for us is not simply how the world views the home. The question we must ask ourselves is whether our own lives reflect God’s priorities for the home. Do we live in ways that strengthen the household, or in ways that quietly erode it? Do our homes reflect biblical order, shared purpose, and mutual responsibility, or fragmentation, isolation, and neglect?
This series is meant to help us think clearly and biblically about the Christian home by understanding God’s design for each member within it. Today, we will focus on the role of the wife. While Scripture gives particular attention to that role, it also affirms the dignity, value, and importance of women in a variety of callings and circumstances. This sermon, and this series, is not about diminishing anyone’s worth, but about understanding how God’s good design leads to human flourishing.
With that, let us turn to Colossians chapter 3. We will read verses 12 through 21, a passage that will ground and guide us throughout this series.
Scripture Reading — Colossians 3:12–21 (ESV)
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Healthy Churches and Healthy Homes
I want us to remember this: healthy churches have healthy families—and that is non-negotiable. There is no healthy church without healthy families.
At the outset, I want to give you a definition of the Christian home. This definition is not sanctioned by Disney or by any parent organization. As we look to Scripture, this is the definition of the Christian home:
The Christian home is a place for training in godliness.
However you look at the Christian home, God designed it to produce godliness. It is the husband encouraging the wife, the wife encouraging the husband, the parents encouraging the children—all for the sake of godliness. That is the Christian home.
Every Season of Life
Now, you may be in a season of life where children are out of the house. Or perhaps, sadly, a husband or wife has passed away. Or maybe, in God’s providence, you have never married.
And yet, even then, your home remains a place where you are trained for godliness—because you learn to depend on the Lord in a unique way. God has also provided you with time that can be used intentionally for the sake of godliness, where others can be trained in your home for godliness.
What Is a Christian Home Made Of?
Now, for us to have a good understanding of the Christian home, we must understand what a Christian home is comprised of.
A Christian home is comprised of men and women. That may be a single woman, a single man, a husband and a wife, or a husband and a wife with children. However you look at it, the home is composed of men and women.
The reason I say that is because if we are going to understand the Christian home, we must understand the function of the individuals within that home. And that function is determined by the sex that God gave you as a gift.
Since we are going to focus on the wife this morning, it is wise for us to ask a foundational question:
What is a woman?
A Cultural Moment of Confusion
On March 22, 2022, Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson was asked a question by Senator Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee. The question was simple: What is a woman?
Justice Jackson’s response to that question sparked a wave of political and cultural commentary. In part, it led political commentator Matt Walsh to produce a documentary titled What Is a Woman?
We live in a society that is deeply confused—a society that has lost its bearings on reality to the point that a nominee to the United States Supreme Court could not define what a woman is. Her explanation was, “I’m not a biologist.”
Yet if the word woman appears in a case before the Court, a lack of definition has serious implications for judgment and justice.
Operating on that premise, Walsh spent his documentary asking people the same question: What is a woman? He posed it to professors, students, activists, medical professionals, and even members of African tribes, seeking a coherent answer. His conclusion, a woman is an adult human female.
An Incomplete Answer
This entire scenario is tragic.
On the one hand, we are confronted with an unwillingness or inability to define woman at all. On the other hand, we are offered a definition that is strictly material and biological.
While that biological definition is not incorrect, it is incomplete. A woman is not less than her biology—but she is certainly more than her biology.
What is missing is a biblical definition. When the question of womanhood is reduced merely to sexual reproduction, we fail to grasp what a woman truly is according to God’s design.
Why This Matters
You might be asking why this matters if the focus of this sermon is on the wife.
The answer is straightforward: in order to understand what a wife is, we must first understand what a woman is.
To arrive at a biblical definition of a woman, we must begin where Scripture itself begins—with the creation account. To answer the question What is a woman? we must go to the book of Genesis, where we are introduced to the first woman, Eve.
Where We Are Going
Let me briefly sketch the path we will follow.
First, we will establish a biblical definition of a woman.
We will then observe how Paul gives us a picture of a Christian Home
Genesis 1:27–28 — God’s Original Mandate
We begin in Genesis 1:27–28.
In these two verses, we are given the mandate that God has given to humanity—both men and women. The reason we begin here is because it gives us an understanding of God’s intentions for humanity.
In verse 27, we are told that God created humanity male and female. Both men and women are created in the image of God. Both reflect God. There is no distinction in dignity, value, or image-bearing.
But notice what verse 28 says.
Verse 28 tells us that God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.” They were commanded to fill the earth with offspring who would also image God in full obedience and honor to Him.
That is why God created man and woman: so that together they would collaborate in the mission of establishing a people who reflect God’s glory. God is not merely telling Adam to have a family. He is saying, establish a people—establish a church—a people spread throughout the whole earth who will bring glory to My name.
The mission given to men and women in the beginning was this: to make image-bearers, to procreate, to fill the earth, so that those image-bearers would reflect God’s rule and reign through their obedience and their worship of Him.
This is where I get my definition for the Christian home it is the place where there is a training for godliness because God designed the first couple to procreate in order to establish more image bearers that worship his name.
These are the first words spoken to mankind.
Genesis 2 — From Aerial View to Street View
Then, in chapter 2, we move from a 30,000-foot view to a street-level view of the sixth day of creation.
If you have ever used Google Maps, you know how this works. From above, you can see large swaths of land. But when you want detail, you grab the little figure and drop it into Street View. Suddenly, you see things up close.
That is what is happening here in Genesis 2.
When we come to verse 18, we must presuppose that what we read here happened before what God commanded in Genesis 1:28. At this point, Eve has not yet been created. Adam was created first; Eve was created second. They were not created simultaneously.
Before God gave the mandate to be fruitful and multiply, He had Adam exercise dominion and authority by naming the animals. But then God says something significant—something revealing—about Adam’s relationship to the woman.
And that is what we see beginning in Genesis 2:18.
Genesis 2:18-25
NOT GOOD
The first thing we notice about the woman is not what is said about her directly, but what is said about Adam in her absence. Scripture tells us that when God saw that the man was alone, He declared that this was not good. This stands in sharp contrast to many of the assumptions of our society. On one side, there are voices that diminish women and their responsibilities. On the other, there are men who have abdicated responsibility and leadership altogether. Both extremes distort God’s design. One minimizes the importance of women; the other overestimates their role by pushing them into functions for which they were not created—not because women are lesser, but because God has ordered His creation with purpose and distinction.
Genesis 2:18 marks the first time in the creation account that God declares something to be not good. Throughout creation, God consistently pronounced His work good, yet here He says, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” This already signals the high value of womanhood in the eyes of God.
FIT FOR HIM
The verse continues with a second crucial insight. The Lord God says, “I will make him a helper fit for him.” This further clarifies what a woman is.
First, God teaches us that man, left alone, is incapable of fulfilling the task God gave him—to fill the earth and subdue it.
Second, God declares that He will create a being who is a suitable helper—one who corresponds to the man.
A Puzzle
We have all worked with puzzles, and we have all tried—unsuccessfully—to force a piece into a place where it does not belong. But God tells us that a woman is to a man what a corresponding puzzle piece is to another. She fits.
A woman fits a man like a puzzle—but she is not merely ideal; she is a helper.
To quote Richard Phillips:
“Our society does not place high status on being a helper because of an irrational cultural emphasis on independence and autonomy. Yet being a helper is a noble thing in God’s eyes. Furthermore, helper is the word the Bible uses most frequently to speak of God in His covenant faithfulness to His people. ‘The God of my father was my help,’ rejoiced Moses (Ex. 18:4), and one of the most helpful things God ever did was to make woman for man as his helper. What a help a godly wife is to any man.”
From the very beginning, womanhood is presented as essential, purposeful, and dignified—integral to God’s design for humanity and central to the calling of the home.
Women are necessary for humanity to fulfill the mandate to fill the earth.
What we see, then, is the inherent dignity of women from the very first pages of Scripture. Without women, the image of God would be lost in humanity.
WOMEN ARE GIFTS AND A BLESSING
I AM A BETTER MAN FOR HAVING MARRIED MY WIFE, 1000%
SIN’S DESTRUCTION
Now, before we continue, we must pause and recognize that something happened when Adam and Eve sinned. Something was damaged in the male–female relationship—but something was also promised.
Hope — Bearing God-Fearing Children
In Genesis 3:15, God speaks to the serpent and declares that the seed of the serpent will be destroyed by the seed of the woman.
Even as sin enters the world—when circumstances are bleak and the consequences severe—God’s first word to the couple, indirectly, is a word of hope. The woman will bear a child who will one day defeat the serpent who tempted Adam and Eve.
This means that a crucial role of the Christian wife will involve a focus on children. WE WILL FOCUS ON THIS IN OUR THIRD SERMON ON PARENTS/CHILDREN.
Tragedy — Painful Childbearing and a Desire for Control
The second reality we see is that childbearing will be painful, and the relationship between man and woman was damaged. This damage still affects marriages today.
16 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,
but he shall rule over you.”
In Genesis 3:16, we observe that the creational dynamic of painless childbearing has been done away with. Childbearing is now painful—either because it physically hurts, or because it emotionally hurts, especially for those who have not been able to have children of their own.
The relational dynamic—where the man lovingly leads and the woman respectfully helps and follows—was also disrupted. Genesis 3:16 tells us that part of the curse involves a desire to rule, a desire to resist God’s design, and a struggle against submission.
Next week, when we address husbands, we will see that the curse placed upon the man involved a disordered fixation on work that would cause him to neglect his wife. But for now, what we see is this: sin introduces pain where there was no pain (at least noticeable pain) and tension into a relationship that was originally good, fitting, and life-giving.
And this is the pain and tension we still live with.
A Repeated Biblical Pattern
If you pay attention to Scripture, you will notice that much of the tension regarding women in the Bible revolves around two recurring themes:
- The desire for control, and
- The bearing of children.
They don’t always appear together, but sometimes they do
We see this with Sarah.
We see it with Rebekah.
We see it with Leah.
We see it with Rachel.
We see it with Hannah, the mother of Samuel.
Again and again, these two themes surface: the struggle for control and the hope found in children.
Colossians
Now we move to Colossians.
Here we find Paul showing us that the virtues and aspirations described in verses 12–17 are meant to be lived out primarily in the home. It is important to observe that this is not because the home is the most important institution. If you read Paul’s letters carefully, you will notice that he always addresses the church first and then the family.
Why?
Because Paul is not seeking healthy families for healthy families’ sake. He is seeking healthy families that would produce healthy disciples.
Healthy disciples lead to healthy families.
Healthy families lead to healthy churches.
Healthy churches fulfill God’s purpose for evangelism and worship.
Theory Before Practice
One of the unique things about Colossians 3:12–17 is its theoretical nature.
I remember when I was working as a student at Moody Bible Institute in electrical maintenance. One of the supervisors wanted us to understand the theoretical aspect of electricity. So we sat through a series of classes where we were taught the theory of electricity—how current moves, how resistance works, and how much EMS a particular circuit might have.
The supervisor wanted us to understand the theory so that when we went out into practice—changing a bulb or installing a ballast—we would not only know what we were doing mechanically, but also understand what was happening behind the scenes in the entire electrical system.
We have something similar here in Colossians 3:12–17.
Paul gives us the theory first. Then, beginning in verse 18, he applies that theory directly to the home.
The Virtues Lived Out in the Home
If we look back at verse 12, Paul addresses believers as God’s chosen ones. He reminds us that we belong to God—that we are holy and beloved.
Because that is true, Paul says we are to put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.
Now, we often assume that Paul is speaking primarily about life in the church—and he is—but where he grounds these virtues is in the family.
Why?
Because it is in the Christian home where you will have to exhibit these qualities more than anywhere else.
Yes, you must have compassionate hearts when you gather with your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Yes, you must show kindness, humility, meekness, and patience in the congregation.
Yes, you must bear with one another, forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven you, and put on love above all else.
You must allow the peace of Christ to rule your hearts in the church.
You must let the word of Christ dwell in you richly by teaching and admonishing one another.
But where these virtues are lived out most acutely—most consistently—is in the home.
In the home, you must above all put on love.
In the home, you must forgive.
In the home, you must put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
In the home, when you are discouraged by circumstances within your family, you must allow the peace of Christ to rule in your hearts.
Paul is giving us the theory in verses 12–17.
Application to the Wife
And when Paul applies that theory, he begins with the wife:
“Wives, submit to your husbands…”
Right there is where the training for godliness begins.
That is where trust in God’s sovereign plan begins.
That is where the belief that God’s design for the Christian home is wiser than our own is revealed.
There is no sense of inferiority here. There is no ontological lesser status assigned to women. Yet God commands wives to submit to their husbands.
When we look at Scripture, women are often addressed first in these exhortations. Paul does it. Peter does it.
I believe this is not because women are being singled out, but because in the household codes of the ancient world, men were usually addressed first—because men were assumed to be more important.
Here, Christian writers elevate the dignity of the wife by addressing her directly:
“Wives, submit to your husbands.”
“As Is Fitting in the Lord”
But notice how Paul qualifies that submission:
“…as is fitting in the Lord.”
That phrase means two things.
First, when a wife submits to her husband, she is ultimately submitting to the Lord. Her obedience is first to God, and then to her husband.
Notice how the word Lord governs this entire section:
- “Do everything in the name of the Lord” (v. 17)
- “As is fitting in the Lord” (v. 18)
- “Children, obey your parents… for this pleases the Lord” (v. 20)
- “Bondservants, obey… fearing the Lord” (v. 22)
- “Whatever you do, do it for the Lord” (v. 23)
- “You are serving the Lord” (v. 24)
The Lord governs every relationship in the Christian home.
Second, “as is fitting in the Lord” means that submission has limits. Paul is saying that a wife is to submit to her husband in a way that is appropriate to obedience to Christ.
In other words, a wife is not permitted to obey her husband if he is leading her into disobedience to God.
This is not blanket, unqualified submission.
This is submission that honors God.
The Purpose of Submission
So what does this submission mean?
It means that God is glorified when women submit to their husbands in a way that is fitting to the Lord.
A Further Biblical Witness — 1 Peter 3:1–6
I want to draw upon another passage of Scripture from 1 Peter 3:1–6, which I think is helpful for this instruction.
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Submission as a Gospel Witness
Notice how God uses the submission of the wife to the husband. Peter tells us that men may be won over to the Lord by the conduct of their wives.
Dear sisters, one of the ways you live counterculturally is by submitting to the leadership of your husband. This does not mean that you do not have opinions, and it does not mean that your opinions do not count—they should. But it does mean that you allow your husband to take the lead when it concerns the home.
The husband, for his part, should be leading in such a way that he loves you and is pursuing godliness. But if that is not the case, that does not automatically give the wife the option to disobey. Peter is speaking specifically about husbands who do not believe, and he says that their wives’ submission can serve as a powerful testimony to the gospel.
This kind of submission is not natural. It is not normal. It runs against a woman’s instinctive disposition to rebel against the authority of her husband.
That is why I have titled this sermon A Christian Wife’s Manifesto—because this submission is a shout to the world.
Remember, Paul tells us that faith comes through the preaching of the word. And here, Peter tells us that the testimony of a wife submitting to her husband can be so powerful, so countercultural, and so otherworldly that a husband may be won without a word, simply by the conduct of his wife.
A Theological Reflection
One woman commentator by the name of Karen Jobes put it this way:
“The wife’s reverence for God is her motivation for submitting to her husband, regardless of whether the husband is harsh or kind. The antagonism her faith might produce is to be endured for the sake of Christ and for the possible conversion of her husband.”
NOW, THIS DOESN’T EXCUSE A HUSBAND’S SIN, IT JUST SAYS THAT THERE MUST BE A DISPOSITION TO HONOR A HUSBAND, JUST AS JESUS SUBMITTED TO THE ROMAN EVIL EMPIRE TO BRING ABOUT SALVATION.
Inner Beauty and Godliness
For this to happen, Peter says that wives must be clothed with inner beauty.
Peter understands the natural attention women give to external beauty. That impulse to adorn oneself is not wrong—it is a good and God-given impulse. But Peter warns against allowing adornment to be merely external.
Instead, he says that a wife’s adorning should be “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4).
That instruction echoes what Paul says in Colossians: above all, put on love.
The Non-Negotiable Conclusion
If we are going to have healthy churches, we must have healthy homes.
And if we are going to have healthy homes, each member of the home must understand their God-given role.
Healthy homes equal healthy churches.
That is non-negotiable.
Application to Wives
In your manifesto, do not believe the opinion of the world that male leadership is detrimental to society. It is not. I would argue that the lack of male leadership is what is detrimental to society.
One of the reasons I oppose our denominational stance on women in office is because it teaches that men should lead in their homes, yet when we come to the gathered assembly of the congregation, what we often observe is that men are not leading. The very worship service of the church—the place that is meant to instruct us in doctrine—ends up modeling something contrary to what Scripture teaches and to what should be reflected in the home.
In your manifesto, remember your natural disposition to rebel against your husband’s authority. Husbands must remember their own disposition—to fail to love their wives—but I highlight this here because a healthy home begins with an honest awareness of our spiritual Achilles’ heel.
In your manifesto to the world, seek to submit to the leadership of your husband. I am not advocating that you call him “lord” as Sarah did, but that you would have the disposition to recognize that God has given him a particular role and assignment.
Your complaint may be that he does not lead. But I would ask: are you allowing him to lead, or are you constantly nagging? You might respond, “If I don’t nag, he won’t lead.” But it may be that persistent nagging actually discourages leadership. If a husband knows that no matter what decision he makes the response will be nag, nag, nag, he may simply refuse to lead—and the home enters into a vicious cycle.
Application to Older Women — Not Married or Widowed
Scripture calls older women to train younger women. Older women do not need to be married to fulfill this role; they may be single or widowed.
You might think that because you were never married, you lack the ability to train younger women in godliness. While you may not have experiential knowledge, you still possess scriptural knowledge. You can invest in younger women by inviting them into your home, opening your life to them, and modeling faithfulness.
You also have an opportunity to show the younger generation that male leadership in the church is not harmful. When questions arise—Why are only men serving on council? Why are only men making decisions for the church?—you can respond with wisdom, underscoring the reality that God designed it this way. And while we naturally rebel against God’s design, His design is good.
Application to the Church
Paul tells us that marriage is a picture of the union between Christ and the church. The exhortation we receive this morning applies to all of us: we must submit to the Lord Jesus Christ.
One day, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of all. You must understand that one way or another, you will bow.
So the call of the gospel is this: bow now, while mercy is offered. Bow now, while compassion is extended. Do not wait until you are forced to bow, because when that day comes, it will be a day of judgment and destruction.
If you have not bowed your will to the Lord—if you feel rebellion against the lordship of Jesus—I invite you to repent and believe. Repent of your stubbornness. Repent of your unwillingness to love Jesus above all. And believe that He offers forgiveness to all who come to Him with a contrite spirit.
Conclusion
We live in a society that opposes male leadership. It opposes the ordered structure that God has designed for the home.
But what we see in Scripture is a manifesto: in submission to the Lord Jesus Christ, women who are wives are called to proclaim to an unbelieving world that God’s design is glorious, good, and kind—and that His ways are wiser than our ways.
If we are going to have a healthy Christian church, we must have healthy homes.
If we are going to have healthy homes, we must have wives and women who understand their God-given role in the home.
And what is being called for is submission—submission to the Lord Jesus Christ above all, and thereby submission to husbands on the part of wives, and ultimately submission from all of us to the lordship of Jesus.